Wario land : Super Mario Land 3
Wrongly Fogotten Sequel #6
Type of Game
When the cute platform game turns into a hellish treasure hunt to glorify the worst savage capitalism in the universe.
Release date on our machines
April 1994. Seriously, isn't 1994 the best year ever? Didn't I already say that about 1993?
Developer
Nintendo R&D1, the OGs, the first team from the early days, the pioneers, still going strong in 1994.
Publisher
Nintendo Co., Ltd., well, they're still around, no worries there.
Warioland: available on... nothing since 2012 on the 3DS. Well, that's just plain ridiculous.
On my big sister Elena Vestibule's Game Boy, I loved Super Mario Land 1 and absolutely adored Super Mario Land 2. Okay, I did abandon them somewhat when Link's Awakening took over the game library of the cute little Nintendo handheld, but they still hold a special place in my heart. I don't think I played anything else after that Zelda game on my favourite electronic brick, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Super Mario Land wasn't far behind. No, it doesn't prove anything, but I'm saying it anyway. I had my Game Gear at the time, and my Game Gear took me away from the Game Boy forever. As much because I loved spending time on it as out of pride in having my very own handheld. However, I only learned of the existence of a sequel to Super Mario Land 2 some twenty-five years later. I don't even remember how. Why only then? Because I hardly ever kept up with anything about anything! Except for dinosaurs, thanks to the magazine of the same name. But even video games... nothing. I don't think my sister knows about Super Mario Land 3 either, though.
A conflict avoided by chance
Otherwise, she would surely have bought it, and we would have fought even harder over who could test it first. She would have, of course, and I would have waited around, burning through twenty batteries on Sonic Triple Trouble. A very respectable activity in itself, but not very useful in terms of the game I want to talk about.
Once upon a time there was money
First of all, I admire the risk-taking involved in making the villain from the previous game the protagonist! Hats off. It's like having to play as Bowser in 1989's Super Mario Bros. 2. Or Birdo, rather, or, um, a flying mask that flashes with a truly terrifying facial expression. Okay, bad example. Who would have enjoyed pulling turnips with their teeth and beating up Maskass with their spiky shell? Me, maybe. But it would have been better to have a real sequel, agreed. I just wanted to slip in a reference to another article, in shameless self-promotion mode. I'll take the liberty, since we're going to talk about Wario, aka the biggest loser in the gaming world. In any case, the reviews, although a tad less glowing than for Super Mario Land 2, suggest that Wario Land is one of the really good games. But then, what's the value of a platformer from Nintendo's flagship franchise in 1994 on the Game Boy? Far from the war raging between the Mega Drive and the Super NES, is there a treasure to be found in this little cartridge for the most famous of portable consoles? Wow, the words of an article writer for a sensationalist website funded by Viagra adverts... is that really what I sound like?
I'll quickly gloss over the plot, which fits on half a fortune cookie slip. Following his recent defeat in Super Mario Land 2, Wario, now in exile, steals pirates' loot to rebuild his castle. Okay, it's a questionable plan, but it works. At least he's not kidnapping anyone this time. He's just ruining the lives of dozens of sea gangsters. In short, he shows up in another part of the world and moves around a map punctuated by checkpoints, i.e. the stages themselves. This feature has become almost mandatory since Super Mario Bros. 3, it seems. I actually really like it, so I'm not complaining; I'm just pointing it out awkwardly, and lots of people are going to think I hate it, when I don't at all. This map can undergo some changes due to Wario's mischief, such as flooding to unlock other levels. These levels are often aquatic, of course. I found the level designs to be rather well done, original and quite elaborate, especially the backgrounds. I expected nothing less from a Nintendo game, even if several patterns are repeated a little too much for my taste.
They bring back painful memories of James Pond 2 and its nightmarish backgrounds. Needless to say, at nine or ten years old, I would have had no criticism to make about this, since I never criticised anything before adolescence. Not out of kindness, just because I didn't know how. To achieve his greedy ends, Wario adorns himself with his own power-ups, which are nothing revolutionary, but which we welcome with open arms. With open arms equipped with power bracelets and boxing gloves filled with metal nuts, watch out. First, there's the bull helmet, which allows you to knock out enemies by charging at them, and also break rocks, which is essential for moving forward. Finally, it gives us the freedom to strike the ground to beat up the entire screen at once. The dragon helmet acts as a flamethrower that burns everything in a short straight line. Finally, the rocket helmet (?) offers the possibility of gliding quickly, a sort of carrot (or radish) from Super Mario Land 2, but not as good, and shooting (haha) to eliminate monsters in your path.
A sort of bull's helmet, in fact. Wario, a big, burly guy with a drunkard's face, can also lift up any creatures that cross his path, so he can throw them and perform combo kills. Just like in SMB 2, which is great! Mix all that in with the classic moving obstacles to avoid, lava pits to jump over, ladders to climb, etc., and you've got a platformer that's as effective as it is addictive. In 1994, this rehash of the same old formula still worked. I think. In Super Mario Land 3, you also have to collect as many coins as possible, but not to accumulate lives! No, just to buy stuff. Hey, at least there's some logic in that, with coins serving as real currency. But don't ask me what you can buy with them, I just read that in a review. They're also used to open the doors to the next levels, making Wario Land the first game to introduce tolls to the world of platformers, which is a great idea that fits in well with the gentleman's voracious appetite.
Do you get stuck if you don't have enough money to get out? Really? No idea, the playthrough I watched doesn't reveal that. At the same time, it ‘only’ costs ten coins. And even if that's ten coins too many, the guy I watched playing finished the game with over forty thousand, I think. Easy peasy. There are also collectables to be found in chests hidden in secret rooms that you open with keys. Aaaaand there you have it. The game ends with that big squatter Wario, who gets rid of a genie bibendum as the final boss. Seriously, he crashes into some unknown girl's palace like a big loser and just kicks her out, so it's no surprise she summons an angry djinn. And then the genie becomes nice once he's been beaten up, and Wario asks him for a castle, but... instead, his portrait ends up engraved on the moon? And he's satisfied? WTF! What a country of completely crazy megalomaniacs, though.
Big clogs and pretty bells
This time, Kazumi Totaka isn't at the helm of the soundtrack! The project has been handed over to two other Nintendo employees: Ryoji Yoshitomi and Kozue Ishikawa, who have dabbled in a bit of everything over the years (the former more so than the latter, mind you). So, does it sound like Super Mario Land or not? Um, yeah! And like a Mario game cooked up by Koji Kondo? Yeah, that too! Well, in general, the rhythm seems much slower to me, and you can hear a whole bunch of nuances that clearly illustrate the fact that you're playing a villain. Some compositions lean more towards Zelda (Stage Theme II, for example), or Alex Kidd on Master System (S.S. Tea Cup), but that's very subjective, of course. I did discover some instrumentals that I didn't think could come out of a Game Boy, like the metallic sounds of Stage Theme VII, or the percussion you hear throughout Mt. Teapot. Not that I'm an expert on this console, but I find that it juggles novelty and familiarity in a rather well-balanced way. I've started again with my pretentious turns of phrase, thinking I'm a journalist. I'm not even doing it on purpose anymore, it's terrible.
The Multiverse of Mad-NES
Poor Wario, kicked out of his castle by Mario in the previous instalment! Of course, I would have liked to give him a hand in finding a home worthy of his narcissism, however despicable it may be. But then again, if I had taken that route, I would surely have played Link's Awakening less, and that's just not possible!
And even though I would have loved to enjoy the Game Boy more than that, what about my poor Game Gear? Would it have received even less love from me? No, just imagining such a terrible scenario for it makes my lips tremble with sorrow. But in a parallel universe where my bedroom housed a NES, Super NES and Game Boy instead of SEGA consoles, yes! Wario Land would have been played over and over again for a long time. Then I would have bought an N64 and a GameCube, and decided to compete online on Mario Kart 64, and potentially Double Dash. Today, I'd be living alone with my steering wheel plugged into a Switch 2, hoping to win an online race on Mario Kart World. With Wario as my driver, of course. Well, apart from a few details, I quite like this idea of a parallel world.
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