Golden Axe
Eternal Cuddly Game #2
Type of Game
A heroic cloak-and-dagger quest, with breeches instead of a cloak.
Release date on our machines
January 1989 on Japanese arcade terminals. Or June, or May, nobody on the internet seems to agree. November 1990 on Mega Drive, on the other hand, is the consensus.
Developer
Makoto uchida, in cooperation with Team Shinobi, and er... Well, SEGA, to put it simply.
Publisher
SEGA Enterprises ltd. for the Arcade and Mega Drive, Virgin Mastertronic ltd. for the Atari ST. Better known as Virgin Entertainment UK, or the company acquired by Titus in 2003.
Golden Axe: available on the Mega Drive Mini (for those who own it), the SEGA Genesis Nintendo Switch Online (so many inconsistencies in that string of words), on the Google Play Store and the Apple Store in its Golden Axe Classics version (the three 16-bit games rolled into one).
Late 1991, or maybe early 1992, I don't know. First grade! My new best mate Randall Geyser, with whom I'd made friends in the playground while having an applesauce battle, invited me to his house for one of the first times. It wasn't long before we turned on the family Atari ST, which would later become his own. A mountain of floppy disks sits on the desk. One of his favourites was Golden Axe, which he made a point of introducing me to. I quickly understood why. From then on, every time I turned up in his father's office, on almost every Wednesdays or Saturdays, we'd have to play a game of Golden Axe; we knew in advance that we'd have a great time... and that we'd have a good laugh after a few minutes. We played a lot less Bubble Bobble after that. We played a lot less of everything, in fact.
Golden AXtari
Nevrotic fantasy
When I heard that Golden Axe also existed on Mega Drive, I jumped at the chance to play it at home. But how did I jump on it? I don't think I bought it, so I had to borrow it from my great neighbours Nelson and Mortimer Paprika, or rather from this guy who had a Mega Drive 2, and who got me hooked on Streets of Rage. John Blazer Escalope, that's who. I probably ‘forgot’ to give it back to him, because I can see the box lying around my room for a very long time. Incidentally, Golden Axe was also one of the reasons I bought the Mega Drive mini back in 2019, so I'd say it had a pretty violent impact on me. It also contributed to the development of my love of heroic fantasy, which lasted for many years.
Every discovery I made there revolutionised my meagre videogame culture. That mythical sequence: left-hand laceration, right-hand laceration, two blows to the head with the sword handle and a kick that sends the enemy tumbling far ahead. What a classy move! And the shoulder blows while running (we called them 'bourrades', something between hectic kick, pushy lash out or... I don't know), the sounds of the bad guys dying, the potions that cast devastating spells, the gigantic size of the bosses, the presence of creatures that you could ride... And if you were unlucky enough to accidentally punch your ally, the adventure would take a completely different turn. It then became essential to slaughter the other player at all costs, and too bad if you had to start all over again.
Throwing your buddy into a bottomless pit just before the final confrontation was such a laugh; we didn't care if the game over screen appeared, it was just too much fun. Oh yes, you could play as dwarf tpp, among the three available protagonists. An old-timer with a big beard, an axe and a horned helmet. At that point, I knew I'd reached my fantasy tolerance limit. I've always hated dwarves in fantasy. Yet he offered the easiest experience, with his longer reach than the others. He had small legs but big arms, what can I tell you? I hated him anyway! Maybe because at school they called me the Dwarf (sob). Well, he was no good at magic anyway, so he can just shut up.
According to my criteria, which are completely biased by nostalgia, Golden Axe is one of those games that can't age badly. Well, let me rephrase that. It's gone beyond the stage of a game that hasn't aged well, to the point where it's become timeless in its cheesiness for all eternity. I understand myself, and I won't let anyone try to change my mind, it just might work. The ultra-busty barbarian fighting in blue briefs alongside the beautiful Amazon in a red and white (but still very low-cut) bikini smacks of 80s bad taste. Conan Schwarzenegger has left his mark on the entertainment industry. So is it a problem? Today, perhaps.
Trolls and Tropes
But before, all fine! We loved it too much. At the same time, you're really in the middle of a fantastic adventure, whether you're battling living armour, surprisingly lively skeletons and three-metre-high brigands, or lying by the campfire during the break between levels, kicking the asses of mischievous goblins. At the time, no one was ashamed of abusing these awful clichés - quite the contrary! We'd still be eating them up for ages. We were just a little bored with the ‘gratuitous’ violence, as our parents and the zealous employees of the Superior Council of Audiovisual (CSA) called it. And even then, the violence in Golden Axe, when you compare it to... say, Robocop vs. The Terminator, it doesn't really hurt the eyes.
But the representation of women? Well, we still had time to see it coming. Now, some might retort that the barbarian Ax Battler is almost naked too. And I'll reply that it's not the same, and that we're going to end up fighting if I read any more stupid arguments like that. That said! The beautiful Amazon, Tyris Flare by name, isn't just a green plant to be rescued. She's doing just fine on her own. I loved choosing her to attempt the journey. Firstly, because unlike a lot of my male friends who hated playing female characters in games, it never bothered me. OK, maybe not for the right reasons (I'll let you guess what). Secondly, because when she collected nine potions, she summoned a huge dragon that burnt everyone on screen. MA-XI-MUM HYPE !
Nonetheless the slightly gloomy, slightly awful and slightly brilliant atmosphere hasn't aged a bit. It still follows the classic, yet stylish, beat'em all pattern that starts in the forest or on the plains, takes us to save a small village (who among you would rather try to slaughter the fleeing women and children instead of the enemies? If that's not satanist behaviour!), crosses hostile lands infested with undead foes, and ends in an impregnable fortress, which you take on your own in the blink of an eye. On the other hand, we had to watch skeletons bursting out of the back of a giant eagle, as if they'd just stepped out of a lift... I'm at a loss for words.
You've Got the basics
No, but... Well then! Oh eh! This music, damn it. Honestly! What a slap in the face! This epic O.S.T. flirts with the bizarre relatively often, which makes it all the more impeccable. Granted, the title at the end of the game is downright grotesque, but let's not go there. As for the rest, you can almost feel the dust settling in your eyes as your warrior treads the dry earth with his feet. We're also subjected to the musky smell of his armpits and the fetid breath of his many enemies, who don't seem to brush their teeth very often. The further you progress through the stages, the darker and more oppressive the tracks become. It's the pinnacle of cult, and it's not at all undermined by the Mega Drive's sometimes-criticised ‘weak sound’. The three guys who worked on the port of the Arcade tracks composed by Tohru Nakabayashi managed the achievement of delivering work that wasn't at all grating, at a time when many games couldn't boast of doing the same. And all without having to connect eight synths and twelve samplers to the poor console, eh Yuzo Koshiro? I have no idea how they actually did, or why I also find You Takada's name in some of the credits, so maybe I'm talking nonsense. The tracks sound raw, but without falling into the horrifying side of sound waves that characterises many soundtracks released before 1991-92. OK, the music at the end drives me mad when I hear it for more than three seconds; I find it awful and completely irrelevant. But everything else... magnificent. The Wilderness theme, from the first stage, promises so much thrilling action, that from the very first notes, your hair stands on end, your muscles bulge and your clothes rip (except your pants).
Cobra Death Adder
At my new primary school mate's house, we didn't just play the Atari ST. Hell no. We had the most incredible toy battles any kid could imagine (I hope my ego has shrunk today). At the same time, Randall had the biggest G.I. Joe collection in town, no doubt about it. A collection that his older brother had started quite a few years before. The basement of his house was holding a stockpile of spare parts used to repair soldiers wounded in battle. Bits of arms, halves of legs, torsos without heads and basins without torsos... You could sit and admire this priceless treasure for hours (a child's hours, that is, five minutes max in truth), and imagine the aberrations you could create by assembling these motley pieces. Between that and the armada of figures of various brands that filled his room, the days passed at a paranormal speed.
But in keeping with the newly-established tradition, we had to have our Golden Axe game first, to get us fired up and inspired! It worked every time. It also worked when he came to my house, both as a child and in my early adulthood, on emulator or Mega Drive Mini (I've been stagnating in my early adulthood since I was eighteen, what's wrong with that?). And who cares if I didn't have half as much cool stuff to offer Randall when he turned up in my room? Golden Axe transcended such small details. It would have given us the energy to play for hours with gravel and banana peels anyway.
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